I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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