don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
