meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
