How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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