his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
