Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
