Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
