Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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