So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
