i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
