dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
