I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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