lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
