this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
