bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
