she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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