i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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