You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
