I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
