Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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