can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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