You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
