He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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