Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
