the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
