Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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