Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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