so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
