they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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