so explain again why im purple
no
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
