R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
