Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
