umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
