i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
