Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
