he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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