All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
