have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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