I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
