I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
