Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
