I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
thus making me awesome and them whores
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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