I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Congratulations! We have a period
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