I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
