i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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