I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
