why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
