I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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