Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
