Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
