Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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