God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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