Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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