I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
