Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
