Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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