Im at strip club and am horny
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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